Life is sure hard

Hmm..post ni sedeh sbenanye..

Antara kwn2 aku kt u ni..aku plg loser sekali dari segi pelajaran
Sejak 1st year lagi aku mmg dah loser...tp aku cepat sedar. Alhamdulillah.
Aku kembali ke pangkal jalan..kembali pada tanggungjawab.

Disebabkan aku jenih x open masalah..esp yg sgt personal. Aku selalu pendam.
Kwn2 aku xpenah tgk aku menangis, xpenah tahu yg aku menangis.
Diorang sendiri ckp aku always happy mcm xd masalah, xd stress..
In fact...ad classmates yg xnk se-group ngn aku sbb takot aku xbuat keje..
Depa pikir aku ni byk main xboleh diharap agaknya..

While i'm building myself up...dugaan tu xpenah hilang.
Just when i thought everything will get better...makin besar dugaan yg dtg.
Masa 1st year apa yg kita expect? Of course la nak grad on time dgn kawan2..
I've been pushing hard to let that one dream comes true..but it's really not easy.
I couldn't make it. I guess my downfall quite big.

It takes me sometimes to heal whenever the world knocked me down.
But in the end i will be as positive as they usually see me.
Because that is just me..i can't be sad for long time.
My philosophy is "Don't regret. Deal with it."

But how do i gain my strength?
Not from family..neither from friends. Not anyone.
I just think of Allah. Because he knows best.
I just do what i think is right..
Kalo aku dah cuba yg terbaik..bg aku..itulah path aku walaupun xseperti yg diharapkan.
But if i don't even try..i believe that is not my path. I won't accept it. It's too ugly, too cruel.
Therefore i will try my best to change it. We can change our faith.

The problem with most people is...kita selalu rasa kita dah buat yg terbaik as if no room for improvement.
Nope! We can get better each day!

Actually...aku pernah terkesima dgn satu soklan..
"Siapa kt sini yg xd bawak al-Quran dari rumah? Dtg tinggal sini (institusi pengajian) lenggang jer"
I was like...."erkkkk gila terasa" Aku la org tu! Ko bygkan masa tu ekceli dah bertahun aku xsentuh al-Quran..apatah lagi membacanya..
Ya Allah berdosa nye rasa T.T
Sedangkan al-Quran tu la guide kita.
So since that aku bawa al-Quran..
Walaupun bukan hari2 mengaji..tp still..aku akn rasa tenang bila lepas baca al-Quran.
Yepp..bila aku rasa xdpt tanggung bebanan perasaan..tu lah cara aku releaseakn semuanya.
And i will cry after that..for like..hours sampai bengkak2 mata.

Even kadang2 tu xsettle kat situ pon..tgh dok2 atas katil pastu tetiba rasa cm sgt xberguna,
mcm sampah masyarakat etc..
So i just tadah tgn..luahkan semuanya...mintak ampun pada Allah. He always listen. Always.
Dengan hingus meleleh2..tp magicnya..besok tu i will feel much better and everything seems so bright!

Tapi dah nama kehidupan...mmg la makin susah. Mana ada benda senang dlm dunia ni.
Kalo nk senang mati awal..masuk syurga. Tapi amalan tu dah cukup kerrr? zzz
Ujian tu xkn dpt kat kita kalo kita xmampu nk hadapinya.
Nampak x? Betapa strongnya aku selama ni? Dah la tabah..awesome plak tu kan. Hua3
Jadi..percayalah pada diri..jgn perlekehkan diri sendiri.
Kalau kita pandang rendah pada diri sendiri, sapa yg nak pandang tinggi kt kite? Takde.